I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
