so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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