Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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