all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize