Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
be right there i have to get my cape
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
