I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
