ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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