Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
