how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
