cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize