My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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