one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize