I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
