Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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