he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
