just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
