So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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