Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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