Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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