i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
