You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize