the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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