Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
