I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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