so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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