I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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