I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
