i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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