More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
