He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
