what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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