I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
