Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Plan B is the new Plan A
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
