I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
