I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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