Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
...so i touched it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
