i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
