She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
