i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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