Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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