you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize