You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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