my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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