Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
