Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
accomplished twins. life is a go
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
