She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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