I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want a musical about memes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
