She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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