Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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