Why are handjobs necessary in class?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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