So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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