dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
