if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
