Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
