halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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