man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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