Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
