I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do vagina's smell?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
