For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
