I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
