I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
