Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
