yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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