i already hear my dad disowning me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
