his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
