i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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