You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize