He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize