it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
