She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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