There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
