Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
