Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk is not a location!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
