So drunk its hurt
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
